Tips on the Art of Flying Coach

My Dear Friends.

For those of us not afforded the luxury of flying in the spacious thrones of business class, let alone the mysterious, ascended world of first class, flights can be rough, no?

What with the wheezing behemoth in the seat next to you, or the screaming kid kicking the back of your seat, or simply being jammed into a tiny space for hours in conditions that would be considered violations of the Geneva Convention were they to be inflicted upon enemy combatants, it's understandable that you may miss some of the perks and privileges, and, dare I say, responsibilities of coach flying.

First of all, there's a sort of rough camaraderie that comes with coach. Forced together with the teeming masses of humanity, you are forced to confront that which you despise and recognize that we have met the enemy and it is indeed, us. Or more specifically, it is that rude person in front of you who keeps reclining their seat during meal time. A pox on them. But no, these are the things which make us stronger, and we emerge with a greater appreciation for the sort of decent people who apologize before they climb over and around you on their incessant trips to the bathroom, or who don't try to give you looks that imply they are blaming you for shifting uncomfortably when they keep awkwardly making knee contact.

Secondly, there are free drinks. Yes, I know they're not free, you actually paid dearly for them and over the past few decades have experienced increasingly diminished service and snack/beverage options on American carriers in exchange for higher prices. Now you're lucky to get stale pretzels. Not to mention charging for checked bags, the monsters. (Except Southwest. You guys rock) But let's focus on the positives here: You have options ranging from tomato juice, which oddly every airline seems to offer, to any number of soft drinks, some of which even helpfully have had chemicals added to trick your body into thinking there's sugar when there is not.
However, you know better than to fall for this illusion of choice, this procrustean bed of beverages which provide too little water to rehydrate yet enough to cause a bladder emergency just as the plane prepares for landing. Bear in mind this rule: There is one acceptable beverage on a flight, other than perhaps water itself, and that is this:

Note, this is not an endorsement of American Airlines. But Ginger Ale makes any flight better.

Obviously this is a self-evident truth, which should require no explanation. But I will indulge the skeptics. Consider that tomato juice is highly acidic, as is Coke and some of the other soft drinks. Do you really want to put that into your body, already locked in place to ensure your metabolism is unable to perform its normal cleansing routines efficiently? The alcohol, if available, usually costs money, so we can immediately dispense with such wastefulness. Have a drink on the ground, if you must, not at high altitudes where your liver takes a harder hit. Now, recall ginger and its many helpful properties. It helps settle the stomach, aids in digestion should horrible plane food be forthcoming, and even helps with motion sickness, should you suffer from it.

Thirdly, you are flying. Flying. Think about that. You are traveling above the clouds. You, the sort of lowly human who couldn't even afford business class, look out over a vast realm of sky which none of the greatest kings, emperors, or conquerors of antiquity ever saw. You know what the tops of clouds look like. You may fly up through rain and gloom and burst gloriously into the endless sun and blue skies of the world above. That should count for something. Buy your tickets early and get a window seat, for goodness' sake.

For all of history until less than 200 years ago, no wealth, power, or fame could have bought this view. Enjoy it.

Fourthly, Responsibilities. Just because you couldn't snag a roomier seat doesn't mean you are resolved of all responsibilities. You're familiar with the exit row duties; in the horrible event that they should become necessary, you have to do... something. It's not entirely clear what, beyond wrangling a dubiously-handled door. They don't give instructions for that in their little spiel before every flight, do they? But they do always mention that bit about making your children wait while you adjust your oxygen mask. That never seemed quite right, but I assume the reasoning goes that you put your own mask on first because if you take too long getting theirs on, you will pass out and thus be unable to... put your own mask on. Seems circular, but it's probably a felony to disobey it. Anyway, hopefully my readers will never be forced to test the efficacy of this procedure. Whatever the case may be, it has come to my attention that in that little pre-flight song and dance, they leave out a very important instruction regarding your tray tables. Namely, how to properly secure them. Consider the following example:

Would you leave a picture hanging like this?

Clearly, this is unacceptable. Just look at it. This is not a properly secured tray table. It advertises a general slovenliness and blasé attitude toward life, as if the passenger content with such an maladjusted situation would be likely to leave doors slightly ajar, and waste air-conditioning. Perhaps they would be that person who parks slightly across the line, denying anyone else that adjacent space in the crowded lot.

Now, merely for demonstration purposes (don't be alarmed, you are unlikely to encounter it in the wild), I present a more egregious example:

No no no no no no...

This one is downright reprehensible. Could any sane person live with this? Like the Sword of Damocles, this tray table is just waiting to crash down at some inopportune moment. It's an accident waiting to happen, and clearly we can infer the same about the careless passenger who allow such a situation to go unnoticed (for what rational being could permit it to continue, having noticed it?). This strongly evokes the sort of person who searches in their floorboard for dropped items while driving through an intersection, who believes the lottery is a good investment strategy, who would see nothing wrong with cutting twice and measuring once.

Don't be a mad fool; ensure that your tray table is properly fastened.
And now I submit to you this final, correct example:

A thing of beauty is a joy to behold.

Ah, serenity. All is as it should be. Do you not feel a sense of calmness descend just by looking at it? Clearly this passenger has their act together. They are the type who picks up other people's litter, who save more than they spend, whose houseplants never die. Their body may be enduring cramped discomfort, but their mind soars free among the clear skies and bright clouds of conscientiousness and proper form. Be this passenger, by all means, and instruct others in so being. And, if the need arises, reach over and help your neighboring passenger correct theirs, perhaps while they are freshening up or resting. They may not notice the change, but subconsciously they will begin the process of becoming a better person.

In Conclusion, we see that flying coach is not merely drudgery. It is an opportunity, really -to love thy neighbor in the most altruistic sense, to strengthen your own digestion with a delicious and healthy beverage, to ascend heights not reached by mortal man until recently, and to avoid presenting yourself as careless or insane to your fellow passengers through gross neglect of a seemingly small matter. Go boldly into your next coach flight, intrepid passenger, and who knows, perhaps this will be the day you'll be bumped up to business class.

In Life What Dreams May Come

There may be more of my Nordic ancestry viking around in my subconscious than I realize.. (Yes, "viking around" is a verb now. It's like loitering around, only somewhat more dangerous to bystanders)

Here's a snippet from a long and complicated dream last night:

In a fairly realistic amalgamation of my grandparents' and an older version of my parents' current houses, we hear a horrible growling and snarling continuously coming from under the floor. I walk around the house praying for a while (since we don't know what it is). There wasn't much fear, just a slight sense of dread and watchfulness.

I think a subplot came in at this point of which I don't remember the details, and during which the sound under the floor fades away, but there is a gathering storm outside as night falls. We sit outside on the porch to keep watch during the night for some reason, having lit a number of candles against the darkness so that the children who were there wouldn't be as afraid. I recall there was snow on the ground (the moon or starlight there was made the darkness seem very dark blue, like it does on snow) and some of the candles were on the porch, some were clumped together in the snow.

The next thing I can remember, it's light again, a grey day. There is no thunder or lightning, but the wind is blowing very hard, thrashing all the trees in the yard. The winds increase even more, and the giant old tree in our front yard begins to shudder. With the strongest gust of wind yet, the trunk moved more than I've ever seen it do before, then after being blown hard to one side, to our shock with a loud cracking sound it actually falls over. As it does so, its vast root system is unearthed all through our front yard, and along with them with a disastrous sound a giant dragon-ish snout emerges from the disturbed ground, long and full of razor-sharp teeth. It was clearly Nidhogg, who had been gnawing on the roots of our tree. (In the dream I realized the roots went under our house and the dragon's growling is what we'd been hearing earlier in the dream)

Someone had a .22 rifle and started plinking away at the dragon (Of course... it's a Dixie Ragnarok), but it wasn't having much effect so I went searching for something of higher caliber. It seems that defeating it wasn't as important as the fact that, having revealed itself, we naturally had to fight it. I went to look for my grandfather to ask if we had a .50 cal revolver, but I could only find a pepper-box revolver (Only in the dream it was an actual pepper box/shaker with a revolver handle. I remembered wondering how the bullets could fit through the tiny holes).

Then someone else found a .30-30 or a .30-06 and started doing some actual damage, but Nidhogg wasn't seriously affected; it might have moved a little. It seems like a couple other people started shooting too. Finally I found my grandfather to ask about the .50, but that's about the point where the dream fades.

This might need to become a book at some point...

A Night Flight

They switch on yellow cones of light
and talk of sundry things

While clouds race low beneath the moon
beyond our starlit wings

Motivating the Engineers in Your Life

Being an engineering type, I am often baffled by what people find motivational or encouraging after a failure. So often, what is meant to be helpful either glances off the surface of our crisis of self-worth, or goes fluttering askew into the nest of some peacefully slumbering irritation, rousing it into annoyed wakefulness.

Wishing to spare my kind as much trouble as possible, and to keep everyone else from giving up on the whole idea of encouraging these majestic but unusual creatures, I have provided a brief guide, by no means authoritative or complete, to what sorts of things engineers actually find encouraging, should you find yourself needing to motivate such a person.

1. Any statement which does not make any sense is not motivational.

One of my favorite examples:
"Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up."

This seems to actually encourage some people. I utterly fail to understand how. If one had not fallen, there would be no need to pick oneself back up, and mastering the art of doing so merely implies one is prone to failure. Notice what happens if I change the actions slightly: "Why do we sleep? We sleep so we can learn to wake ourselves back up."

Suddenly it's not motivational at all, it's incredibly depressing. An endless, maddening cycle in which the only justification for one step is that another step necessarily follows it.

(Note: The example I chose above was famously used in Batman Begins. While the phrase itself should be avoided, Batman is usually always a motivating conversation topic.)

Summary: Steer clear of this kind of motivation, or you will get one of those looks which makes people hate engineers. But you probably can't go wrong with Batman.

2. Any statement which is primarily emotional in nature is not motivational

Do I really need to explain this one? We deal in facts, with data. Math does not change based on how you feel about it. Even if your attempt at encouragement is successful in providing some kind of positive emotional stimulus, we will shut it down. That kind of thing is verboten and leads to talking about our feelings... next thing you know we'll be "hugging it out."

Something like "Cheer up, being gloomy doesn't fix anything" simply doesn't compute. Being gloomy doesn't break anything either. It's simply a state of mind which may possibly produce the wrong sort of brain chemicals for working most effectively, but even an engineer isn't likely to be cheered up by pointing out that a negative frame of mind will ultimately reduce their productivity and ability to solve problems clearly. (it might even them out a bit, though)

The main difficulty here is to avoid emotional language when the goal indeed is to make someone feel better. The secret which aids you is that engineers of course do have feelings like everyone else, they're just on very formal diplomatic terms with them. To succeed in encouragement you need the kind of diplomat that can get things done over there, preferably without attracting too much attention from the Logic side.

Something along the lines of "It's ok, in 5 years you won't even remember it" is somewhat better, in that for an engineer we are then forced to calculate 5 years into the future and decide if it's more or less likely that we'll remember the incident. (Note: make sure to pad in enough time. If the thing which has depressed your engineer is personally significant enough or was an important work project, they might actually stand a good chance of remembering it that far ahead, and your strategy will backfire.)

Summary: Appealing to the emotions forces us to reject your encouragement. Making us think about your encouragement gives it time to sink in.

3. Any statement which does not actually contain any rational information is not motivational

You have to give us something to work with. An empty sentiment or simple command to feel better disguised as a meaninglessly cheerful adage are like offering artificial-sweetener-laced chewing gum to someone who's starving after a long day of installing server racks.

"Turn that frown upside down," for example, is only encouraging insofar as the contemplation of the fairly disturbing level of physical violence necessary to accomplish such a feat might provoke some amusement, which, although perhaps a positive, is probably not at all what the speaker had in mind.

It is worth noting, however, that irrational comfort which doesn't seek to disguise itself as rational (something engineers will see right through even if they don't want to, like x-ray vision you can't turn off) can be surprisingly effective. Once after a bad day, I drove past a field of happy-looking llamas, and felt much better afterwards. (If the llamas had unwisely tried to shout pseudo-encouraging drivel, however, it would have spoiled the whole thing.)

Summary: If you're going to be irrational, go all the way.

4. Any statement which suggests that something else is to blame is not motivational
(With one very important caveat, see below)

If someone has failed at something, they are often encouraged by the suggestion that it is not really their fault, that circumstances beyond their control have contrived to confusticate and bebother their well-conceived attempt and have in point of fact succeeded in doing so. This is sadly not the case for engineers, as they know that, had they been fully competent, they would have foreseen this eventuality as well. Suggesting at this point that it would have been difficult to do so only rubs salt in the wound, however reasonable a suggestion it might be.

However- if one can suggest that something else is to blame in such a way that it requires specialized knowledge to understand the excuse, the blow is softened considerably. And if it sounds like an excuse which could only apply to a genius, you may succeed in driving the pain of the incident from your fortunate engineer friend's mind entirely!

Summary:(Example: After a programming failure)
"Don't worry, you couldn't have guessed that was going to happen." VERY BAD
"Don't worry, it's not your fault." BAD
"Don't worry, you know how those compilers are." BETTER
"Don't worry, sounds like you were on the right track but that compiler is notoriously flaky when it comes to multiple thread programming." GOOD
"Wow, I can't believe your simple yet elegant solution was nearly successful in resolving a notorious NP-hard problem!"  SO MUCH WIN

My friends, I hope that this has been instructive. Now armed with these new insights, go out and encourage some engineers in your life! If all else fails, your attempts to argue that they should have been encouraged by your motivational strategies will prove your intentions were good.
And for engineers, like anyone else, the thought really does count.

I Respectfully Decline

I decline to crowd-source my conscience.
I decline to believe what you say because you are shouting it, or because you are numerous.
I decline to be guilt-tripped for events or circumstances I had no hand in bringing about;
I also decline to avoid responsibility for my own actions.

I decline to "indulge myself"; it only leads to weakness.
I decline to believe I am entitled to anything from the world merely because I was born.
I decline to accept that being successful puts one in society's debt;
I also decline to ignore my duty to love others.

I decline to follow the hype.
I decline to perpetuate what is false.
I decline to accept average in myself if I know I can do better;
I also decline to join in accepting the lowest common denominator as average.

I decline to subvert my faith to the whims of society.
I decline to keep silent when the truth should be heard.
I decline to make excuses for myself when I fail;
I also decline to hold anyone to a higher standard than that to which I hold myself.

I decline to stop pursuing Truth.
I decline to withhold forgiveness; it was Not Withheld from me.
I decline to pretend disagreement is intolerance;
I also decline to pretend tolerance is love.

A Prayer for America, April 19th 2013

Sovereign Lord, who lifts up nations and brings them down again, in whose hands the rulers of every nation are but streams of water, today I lift up our nation to You.

Holy God, we have violated Your decrees, and we have slandered Your name. We have sinned against You in every way, and glorified these sins in our culture as praiseworthy. We have pretended to uphold Your name, then turned and acted in a manner unworthy to be identified with it. We have said “in God we trust,” yet our trust has been in our wealth, in our power, in our political system and the freedoms we take for granted.

Lord of life, we have not respected human life, made in Your image, but have allowed a culture of death to prevail. Our entertainment grants legitimacy to men of violence, while the blood of millions of infants denied a chance at life cries out from the ground, demanding justice. We have given the care of both our children and our elderly over to the government, avoiding our responsibility for both. We have objectified and not loved our enemies, and corrupted our system of justice so that many guilty not only go free, but profit from their crimes. We have glorified greed and made commitment-free sex a cultural trademark. We have idolized the pursuit of a happy and comfortable life, and accepted the lie that life’s decisions can be made without consequences for ourselves or for future generations.

Lord God, we in the church have not stood firm, but have been complacent, content to decry society’s evils while risking little to combat them. We who have preached against self-centeredness and hate have not lived or loved sacrificially, and we who have preached holiness have put the world first. Reversing Your commands, we have been of the world yet not in it; we have avoided the world to confine ourselves in our own communities, yet copied its styles and ways for our own use. We have asked “who is my neighbor” and not loved them as ourselves, and we have not loved and exalted You above all else.

Merciful Lord, today I dare not say “God bless America,” for surely our sins as a nation merit only our own condemnation. Lord we recognize that we were never Your chosen people, that our nation was conceived in sin like every other, and that like every nation, the decisions of our people and leaders have at times caused much grief both in our own land and abroad. We recognize too that the glorification of sin which pervades our popular culture has been promoted in much of the world, leading them astray as well.

Yet I beg You, O Lord, according to your infinite grace and for the sake of Your people who dwell here, and for the sake of the great work which You have done in working through us to bring multitudes among the nations into Your kingdom- please let Your name be made greater in our nation.

Lord we pray not merely for revival, but for the advancement of the gospel into new territory in our nation. We pray that children would be raised to worship and glorify Your name, and that you would bring down leaders who promote ungodliness and raise up those who acknowledge Your truth. We pray that the Spirit would stir up our churches, that believers would wake from their slumber and go forth to be salt and light, and that even the darkest strongholds of the enemy in our culture would be shaken by the prayers of Your saints.

Lord of All, please make Your name great among us, for You are our only hope. I pray this in the name of Christ, by whose name we Your children are called; that name which is above all other names, to which every knee will bow, on heaven, and on earth, and under the earth.

Amen.

Snapshot Syndrome: How to avoid fossilization

It can happen to anyone:

Upon his entry into a new, strange culture, the curious traveler absorbs as much information as he can. Smarter than most, he quickly adapts by studying the ways of the locals, practicing their language and customs, learning the local landmarks. Soon he knows where to find the bargains, where the dangerous places to avoid are, what you can and can't get and who you can get it from. Over the years, as new outsiders arrive, he quickly educates them on the ways of this place; ways he has already long become accustomed to and even adept at practicing.
But just around the time that the authority of his experience should remain unquestioned, his knowledge and savvy provide invaluable insight to new arrivals, those greenhorns begin questioning his advice. Not openly at first; they nod appreciatively and even take notes, asking him many questions. But soon he notices that they leave sooner, and even begin giving advice to other even newer arrivals. As if they know; they've barely begun to get beyond the surface of the culture, weren't here during the crisis of a few years ago, or the centennial celebrations. And to make matters worse, their (probably mis-) information is preferred to his! A little bitterness creeps in as our seasoned expatriate decides it's simply a problem of youth not appreciating experience. But wait, he thinks, they will come to me when they can't find what they need; when the comforts their generation has come to appreciate are lacking, they will need my knowledge about where to go to find what they need. And when they can't form meaningful working relationships with their coworkers, they'll have to come to me to learn the cultural mentality that lies under the surface here. I'm still needed, he decides, and is nonplussed when the newcomers seem to thrive without his instruction, though at times they still seek it.

Our friend in the scenario described above has fallen prey to snapshot syndrome: the strong initial impression of a new place and culture formed during the time following arrival, which can all-too-easily harden like concrete into a permanent impression which becomes less and less like current reality the more time passes. An experienced expatriate with snapshot syndrome may inform new arrivals that "you can't get that here" or "the locals aren't interested in foreigners except to take advantage of them," when in reality there is a new electronics store on the other side of the city which sells the very product they seek, or the new generation who did not grow up under the old regime are less close-minded and welcome outsiders, and might even speak some of their language.

Snapshot syndrome is especially tricky in that those who form the strongest initial connections with a culture and place can be most susceptible to it; it is they who have the strongest and most distinct picture in their mind of things as they were at the time of their arrival, and that picture can therefore endure most effectively.

So how to avoid it? More experienced culture-learners than I will have better advice than I can offer, but I submit that a two-fold procedure may go far in warding off its petrifying effects:

1. Recognize and internalize the fact that things are always changing everywhere.

At all times, every culture, place, even language, is undergoing a series of mostly imperceptible changes which over time will transform it considerably. Some places change very slowly, others seem to morph repeatedly overnight. Being aware of this will inspire any expat wanting to stay up-to-speed to view cultural learning as a continual process, not only something for "fresh off the boat" newcomers, or a "rite of passage" after which one is a seasoned veteran. Take time every so often to refresh your viewpoint, even do a little intentional tourism, asking yourself what this place would look like to new eyes. Likely, you will be unable to see it from a truly outside perspective by this point, but you will be just as likely to pick up some useful insights into how things have changed.

2. Be an equal-opportunity learner.

If you have adopted the mindset in part 1, you are likely to be willing to practice part 2: Learn from anyone you can. Students are excellent reflectors of popular culture in most locales, and in many parts of the developed world they are drivers of cultural change as well. If a good opportunity to learn from them arises, don't hesitate to take this chance to inform yourself. (One may not be able to act on all the knowledge; after all few things are more repellant to young students than an older person who tries to act like them; but what you glean may be something useful and it certainly may prove useful to others)

Media is another great source; you don't have to enjoy certain styles of music or film to learn from them. (But beware of accepting the media as too reliable of a witness, or you may fall into the same trap as some of my international friends, and confuse Hollywood for real American culture. Ironically, sometimes the form of media is more informative than its content when looking for cultural insights)

Another unsuspected source of knowledge may actually be those new arrivals we've mentioned. Get their impressions. Some will be ignorant or misinformed, but don't immediately reject anything which clashes with your more experienced take; maybe something has changed. It might take a bit of humility to be 'taught' by those who have much to learn from you, but pride goes before a fall, after all.


So there you have it: don't be a fossil. Recognize that there is much you never knew to begin with, honestly. Most populated areas have things going on here and there that many locals won't know about either, and as a stranger coming in you may find that you have to learn systematically what many locals have merely done as the occasion arises, and therefore come to more thorough understanding of things like the public transportation system than the locals typically demonstrate. But this works both ways; as an outsider you can never learn enough to have grown up here, and therefore there will almost certainly be things locals take for granted which you are unfamiliar with, having arrived late to the game. So stay humble, stay teachable, and maybe those new arrivals won't find the local picture you paint for them to be a suspicious shade of sepia...